I was born and raised in Denver, Colorado, the only daughter. I had one brother named Steve. There was no Father in the picture, just us three part of the time and part of the time it was only me and Mom. Steve was the oldest by two years and most of the time we did okay, him and I. We mostly got along together, when he wasn't having one of his "episodes", which I will tell you more about in another page. My first memories are not real clear, but I will tell you as much as I know. Mom was working, I'm not sure how much, but she was supporting us. She worked in a bar in Englewood, CO, I think it was called the Big O. I don't know why I remember that, I was very young. I can't remember how long she worked there, I don't remember when she quit either. I just know at one point we were living off the state on welfare and she took in ironing from people she knew and cleaned a few houses for people.
We lived in a tiny little one room house and although it's not much, I do remember there were small paned windows looking into our yard, which was really the back yard of the house in front. Our place was on the alley and thinking back on it, It might have been a converted garage or something like that. I remember the sink in the kitchen, it was long, but only had one faucet, and it was short because I could reach it to get a drink of water. There isn't a lot I remember about it, but I know we took baths in a washtub set on the floor, I have no idea how Mom cleaned up. She did laundry on a wringer washer and I remember her piling clothes on me as she sorted them and I liked the weight of them on top of me. She sang while she worked and the washer had a back and forth rhythm that was soothing. Men came around sometimes, she had a boyfriend that came by and I remember he seeming very tall to me. Van was his name, tall and thin, and he always wore a suit and looked nice. I don't know when he quit coming around, it didn't seem like it took too long, but I was young and of course kids really have no concept of time I don't think. Then I remember a man named Frank and he too wore suits and was very nice to me. He didn't come around much either before he was out of the picture. It seems like they went to church together but I really don't know. I don't remember much more about living in that house except we had a dog there for a small amount of time and he jumped into the washtub with me when i was taking a bath, and I remember how sad I was when his people came to take him home. I think that was the first time I knew about dogs and I loved them already.
After that house I remember a few more very similar, very small, mostly one room places in peoples back yards. I guess we didn't have much money back then and that was all she could afford. I don't remember her going to work anywhere else either so I am assuming we lived off the state most of the time. She always took in ironing for people, they would bring it to her all wrinkled and she would stand at the ironing board singing or visiting with friends that stopped by.
I had a wonderful Grandma whom I loved very much. She was my friend back then and I got to go spend time with her at her house a lot. She always smelled like Juicy Fruit gum and always had an extra stick in her purse. I will tell you more about her too, she had an important role in my life. I had Aunts and Uncles and cousins too and I got to see them once in a while. I was always shy when they came over, I never felt like I knew them well. I remember going to My Uncle Fred's house as a kid and staying the night. I remember thinking they must be rich the house was so big, lot's of bedrooms, a big old kitchen, and a bathroom that you could shut the door on. There was a big room that had a fireplace and a bar, and a big back yard to run around in. There was even a dog! I The three cousins, Debbie, several years older than me, Jimmy, about the age of my brother, and Dougie, he was a bit younger than me, but not by much, all lived there. Uncle Fred was to me this big man who seemed to stand as tall as the world to me and I remember following him around just watching him and listening to him. I never had a Dad so having a man in the house was new to me, and fascinating. I was fascinated yet scared to death of him, he seemed almost bigger than life. Aunt Grace was nice, she cooked a lot and was always in the kitchen doing something , making good smells happen. I mostly hung around with Jimmy, he was always nice to me and would spend time just talking to me and I felt safe with him. Debbie being so much older, we didn't have much to talk about and I really don't remember spending much time with her. Dougie was nice but seemed more noisy and a bit too rowdy and I felt very intimidated by him. Kind of high strung and full of energy he was, and although I liked him well enough, Jimmy was my favorite and I didn't have to do much talking with him, he seemed so calm and peaceful to me.
I remember them all talking about going to the mountains together and fishing and climbing rocks, and just camping out in places. I remember thinking how lucky they were to get to do stuff like that. I had another Aunt named Zelma, her and Uncle Ira had two daughters, Dani and Yvette. Dani was about the same age as Dougie and Yvette must have been closer to Jimmy's age. They were all there together sometimes and would talk about all the trips they had gone on to the hills and here and there, and I remember thinking that i never got to go with them and couldn't understand why not. Mostly I felt I just wasn't like them, and I wasn't really part of them. They all knew each other so well, and no one was shy like me, they seemed so smart and happy and I just didn't fit in. I never really felt like I was good enough to be with them much, and I certainly didn't know why. I just knew they all had Dad's and neat Mom's and good clothes, and they lived in big houses. The family's both had cars, Uncle Fred even had a big truck with a camper on it. They seemed to know so much about each other and were very close and I felt envious of them. At that point I didn't know what was going on with the family's, I only knew I wasn't around them much and they really didn't have a lot of time for me. After that time , I never got to see much of them, just enough so I remembered who they were but never enough to really get to know them very well and I never felt comfortable. I know we spent Christmas with them and maybe an Easter dinner now and then. I hadn't yet seen the side of Mom that people felt uncomfortable around, I was too young to really understand that somehow she was different than most Moms. And this story I will have to continue on later ...
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